Raspberry burps forever

Stress is a terrible blogger.  So I have not been at this for a few days.   My boss is out-of-town and there is much work to be done.  But today is Friday and I have had enough of the stress and the work for now.  I need a break.

Stress also is no friend to the dieter, which is why I even mention this at the beginning.   Wednesday night I found myself in the frig desperately looking for something to eat.  We were out of string cheese!  So I grabbed a back of shredded mozzarella and started scarfing it down by the handful while still standing in the refrigerator light.   You have done this too, I know you can relate.  Then after two fist full of cheese I saw the mold!   Oh my gawd.  I threw the cheese in the trash.  But rather than give up on my foraging I found and unopened bag, ripped it open and continues my bender.  Then I stopped and looked at myself and what I was doing.  I said to myself , ” Jeff, you have to stop this madness.  Don’t let this stress undo all that you have accomplished.”  I stopped and shamefully slumped out of the kitchen.

By now you are wonder what does this have to do with raspberry burps.    Well, I have been looking for that magic pill that takes fat off my stomach.   Dr. Drew showed this stuff called raspberry ketone.  He claimed that in 30 days you could shed as much as 20 pounds of ugly fat.  Normally I don’t fall for this crap, but it’s Dr. Drew,  Oprah’s guy, he wouldn’t scam me.   Hah!

Let me tell you my experience with this Ketone.   First of all you take it twice a day and it comes in a horse capsule probably more suited for taking up the ass then down the throat.   It is supposed to be “natural”.   Sure it is,  you would have to eat 60 pounds of raspberrys to even approach the amount of Ketone in one pill.  That is only natural if you’re a 2 ton brown bear (I know what you are thinking, “But Jeff you are a 2 ton…”  just stop it right now that is mean!)

So we get past the crazy and decide to take these things anyway.   You guessed it already, it makes me burp raspberries all day long and give me terrible gas which incidentally does not smell like raspberries.   I am committed and so I continue to take these magic pills for two weeks.   You may have guessed this part too, it is messing with my sugar so I have to stop.  I don’t think it melted away  one ounce of fat either.

So that is my diet hell story.  I am back on my usual routine.   You know the old adage, ” Wish in one hand and shit in the other.  See which one fills up first.”    Now giving someone the raspberry means something totally different!!

P.S.   I think I will leave the frig raiding to the cat!!

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2 Responses to “Raspberry burps forever”

  1. In my opinion, the only things to loose weight are eating less and working out more. I’m eating less carbon hydrates and practicing Yoga regularly.

  2. Try not to beat yourself up too much. You are battling human physiology viz. when we are stressed, and when it is late at night, is when we are wired to eat more. I try to eat something therefore everynight that settles this urge.

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