Happy ever after


It’s a day I thought I would never have, a wedding day.  I want to try and convey what this means to me (without crying!).   For me married means all the things it is supposed to mean to straight people.  We are a monogamous couple till death do us part.

There is all this talk about the sanctity of marriage and how gay men and lesbian women are destroying it.  That is just plan bull shit.  My partner and I are every bit as dedicated to each other as any straight couple, if not more so.  Sure we can’t “have a baby” unless we adopt, but there are lots of straight couples who adopt as well.   I don’t think marriage is about reproduction.  It is about family however and my parents and our siblings are ecstatic for us.   Ricks mother would have approved as well and I am sure she was smiling down on us.

So what got destroyed here?  Some fussy old notions that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Marriage is between two people who love each other.  Marriage unites different families.   Kings used to use marriage to unite kingdoms.  What has changed? Our marriage has granted us recognition and legal rights.  If the church doesn’t approve, I really don’t care.  There are lots of things churches do that I don’t approve of either.

So what happens next?  We live long and happy lives together.  We shake off some of the stigma that means being gay.  We assimilate into society.  Maybe that is not such a great thing after all.  I like being different.  But I choose to be different.   I didn’t choose to be gay, despite what many straight people still think.

Our relationship is different.  Rick is eleven years older and has a child from another marriage.  He tried to be straight because society expected him to be.   In those eleven years society relaxed a little and started to recognize gay people.  I didn’t have to pretend to be straight.  I didn’t get married to a woman. This is not to say Rick didn’t love his wife.  He still does care about her.  But it was never meant  to be.  It wasn’t fair to her or to him.  He didn’t leave her for another man.  He left her to find himself.

I consider Rick’s ex-wife family.  We have an on going relationship that is held together by our love for his son and each other and the grand children.  Life bonds us.  We are a ka-tet.

“And will I tell you that these three lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And they did live.”  Stephen King – The Dark Tower


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