My wish

Let me preface this by saying I am proud of who I am, but if you wish in one hand and shit in the other…

I have been thinking about how my life might have been if I had not been gay.

The first thing I gave up was a relationship with my old friends. Much like when you get married and stop seeing your single friends, when you come out, you stop seeing your straight friends. You still have straight friends, just not the same ones. I lost my best friend.

The second thing that changed was my relationship with my family. Eventually, my immediate family came to terms with it but things were never the same. I wasn’t the favorite uncle to babysit for example. Not that I wanted to be a baby sitter, but I wasn’t even asked. I think my brother in-law thought it was contagious or something. My mother took a long time to fully except things. In the end she wanted me to be happy and what I thought was a rejection of my life style were really genuine concerns over the company I was keeping. She recognized when I couldn’t that these people were taking advantage of me. And as any good mother she was there to help me get through the break ups.

For me I also gave up the chance to be a father. I know couples adopt or use surrogates to have children. I am not saying these other options aren’t great, they just weren’t in the cards for me. I found my partner when he was 50 and already had a grown child. I was 39 and the thought of a baby seemed out of the question. We had grandchildren instead.

I guess I am fortunate in that I didn’t get married to a woman and have to deal with that situation. My partner loved his wife and living his life as a gay man never occurred to him until much later. He and his ex are still friends and very much involved in their son’s life as am I.

When you go outside the home you are faced with the societal pressures of being gay. The mean spiritedness of others. The rights we lost and have recently gained.

There is hope. What if it was okay to be who you are meant to be? What if everyone weren’t so hung up on what happens in the bedroom? Or public? Why shouldn’t we all love one another and be happy? I wish.

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