I find myself lost in thought this afternoon. So I am posting another story. First, let me say that I believe these women in the #Metoo movement and #WhyIdidntReport, and while I am not a woman, I too have an unreported incident of sexual harassment as a gay male.

When I was 25 years old I wrecked my car driving drunk. I made a decision that day to correct that behavior. I stopped drinking for several years until I could figure out how to do it safely. The point of this is that I was sober when this assault to my being happened. It was frightening and it went unreported and you will soon understand why.

It was New Year’s Eve 1986. (The accident had happened just 3 months earlier in October after a Halloween party.) I went to a party at a local club alone. I wanted to celebrate but I was not dating anyone at the time. The club catered mostly to Lesbians and drag queens. The relevance of this will be made clear shortly. It was a dinner party. There was a small buffet upstairs and the usual music and dancing downstairs in the bar. I dressed in a false tux. My shirt was tux like but it had elastic at the bottom instead of tucking in, more like a woman’s blouse I supposed. Instead of a formal jacket I was wearing a black Members Only. It was the 80s after all. I had a string tie made out of black ribbon. And of course I had on my black leather dancing shoes. (We didn’t dance in tennis shoes because they stuck to the floor and you couldn’t glide.) I had permed hair, shoulder length. Except for my mustache people took me for a woman from the back. I felt comfortable at this party and safe with people who were not cursing me or wanting something I was in no mood to deliver.

Mid-night came and went. I left the club for my newly repaired truck and headed home. I could see a blue light in my rearview mirror. It was a motorcycle cop and he had me pull over into a parking lot in front of a closed storefront. It was not very well lit. I was confident nothing was going to happen. I had not been drinking. My car just came from the shop so it couldn’t be a fix it ticket. I wasn’t speeding.

The officer approach the truck and asked me where I was going, where I was coming from and then he asked me to step out of the vehicle. He asked if I had been drinking and I said no. At this point I think he knew that already. He had me spread eagle with my hands up against the truck. He proceeded to frisk me, patting me down, looking for weapons I assumed. His hands lingered as he felt my crotch. He grabbed me a little too much for my liking and I could feel his breath on my neck. I froze instantly. Minutes passed or at least if felt like it. Finally, he let go of me and told me to have a safe trip home.

How do you report this? I took his badge number but I never turned it in. The police would not believe me over the officer. Heck, they wouldn’t even chase a gun man that had robbed me that summer (a story for another time), why would they turn on a fellow officer. I was sexually assaulted by a police officer. I know that is a fantasy for some people but when it actually happens to you it is dirty and violating. I went straight home locked up the house and took a long hot shower to try and wash away my shame for what had just happened.

One Response to “Unreported”

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. Your experience does shed light onto why people don’t always report these things.

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