Selfish

It has been a week and it’s only Tuesday.  I had to work on a project over the weekend.  Monday was full of problems that started the week before.  All of it has been a true energy drain.  I also got some bad news.  One of my co-workers died Saturday of a heart attack.  Scary stuff.

You might remember some years ago my writing about the breakfast club.  We went to breakfast before work every Wednesday.  My co-worker was a part of that club.  As the years went by people retired or left the company and the breakfast club stopped.  I will miss my co-worker. 

I haven’t seen him since this covid thing started.  He and I both transferred to different departments, but we kept in-touch through phone calls and emails.  I don’t really know how old he was but I am guessing right around 70.  He worked because he had a family that depending on his income.  And he needed to get away from them too.  He was fun to be around and often the target of practical jokes.

I didn’t mean for this to become an obituary.  What I really want to say is that his death has been another wake up call to my own mortality.  I think sometimes that is what grieving is about.  It’s about our own loss.  It is personal.  Don’t get me wrong, I care about his family, but self-interests are a big part of it. How much longer do I have on this earth?  Will I get to enjoy my retirement or just pass away in the night? (Hopefully sleeping.)

So today I am being selfish.  Taking the time to reflect on my life and my future. Stepping back and trying to see the big picture.  Tomorrow we can get back to more normal things. Now is the time to explore my feeling and let go.  Rest in peace my friend.  You will be missed.

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