Archive for the family Category

New position

Posted in family, random, weight loss, Work on November 21, 2016 by jefferyrn

It is the Monday before Thanksgiving, and I am sitting at my new desk.  It feels different.  I have a new role.  I am the EMR administrator for the Cancer Center.   It was a promotion of sorts.  I was already support the system but I asked for a raise to become the full time administrator and they gave it to me.   This is the first time I every pushed for something and got it.  Of course, the director wanted me in this position so I didn’t have to push too hard.

I am thankful for my new position.  It comes with a lot of responsibilities and new things to learn.  I have training December.   Three days in Las Vegas.  Rick is going with me but I will be in class while he is out and about.

The Vice President just walked by and welcomed me to the family!  She is nice on the surface but I know I need to watch my back.  Look at me already thinking negative thoughts.

At least for the next 3 days I can get my feet wet while most people are dreaming of turkey and pumpkin pie.

I have an appointment tomorrow to meet the surgeon about my hernia.  I will probably post pone the operation until after the first of the year. I am not looking forward to it.  I am supposed to lose some weight before the operation.  I have already lost 10 lbs. unfortunately it is the same 10 lbs. that I lose and gain over and over and over again.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Grandparent angst 

Posted in family, random on November 2, 2016 by jefferyrn

Our 20 year old granddaughter has moved in with us while she goes to college. Not having children of my own this situation has proved to be quite challenging. There are rules that I have quickly been indoctrinated to….. I mistakenly thought my house my rules. Not so simple.

It seems young adults have space that should not be invaded without prior permission. That’s the first mistake I made. I went in her room and tidied things up while she was at school. You would have thought I murdered her best friend.

We had a little talk. I apologized for thinking it was okay to fold laundry vacuum and make her bed. I told her I would never do it again. But if I ask her to straighten up she damn we’ll better do it. We have an agreement. The first of many, I suspect.

I have yet to clean her bathroom.  (to be continued)

Friends and time

Posted in family, friends, random with tags on June 8, 2015 by jefferyrn

I know I don’t blog enough. I think of wonderful things to say and then I get to work and am bombarded with things that keep me busy all day. When I get home. I am done. Sometimes I get on the computer to look at new cars or find a restaurant but that is it. Half the time I do that on my phone. I have tried blogging from my phone but it is really a desk job with a full keyboard required.


Maybe some Cha-Cha shoes would get me going again!

Good things are happening. We made new friends. After almost 8 years living here in Reno we are finally reaching out to people in the community and making friends. The stumbling block as always been, we don’t go to gay bars. The ones here in town are either for the very young (I want friends not children) or the drunks. The normal channels for friend making are through work or things you do outside of work.

To that end we made a couple of moves on people we see all the time, waitresses. The first two are sisters that have waited on us at our favorite barbecue for almost 12 years, before we even moved here. I think I mentioned them once before. We have gone out with them 3 times now.  It is a wonder what they see in two old farts, but they like us and Rick says they are the daughters he never had. The great thing about them is they are so open and love to talk so there is no lull in the conversation.


Jennifer Aniston was a waitress on Friends

Expanding on this idea, we were at another favorite breakfast place and the waitress told us it was her last week there, she was moving on. Rick approached her after we ate and asked her if she would like to exchange numbers and go out sometime. She was excited and took our contact info. Low and behold she called us (while we were out of town!). We called her back and have gone out 2 times so far. The last time she brought another customer friend with her, and get this, we all went to the barbecue place. So now we have two new friends. The guy she brought along is a nice old gentleman who is retired. His partner is a long haul trucker so he is alone a lot. Our waitress friend has a dog and two cats. Now we have a cat sitter.  She said she would gladly come over and check on Billy the next time we leave town.

I guess my point here is once you get your foot in the door, one friend leads to another.  I am super excited that we might actually have local friends. It makes me feel like I belong here.

As to the other venue of work friends, most of them are younger then me and live in Sparks. I know it is only a few mile away but people around these parts don’t get out much. Leaving their neighbors is a chore. I have found one new work friend who lives close to our neighborhood. We haven’t done anything outside work yet, but we are making plans to do so. We are the early crew, he and I, so we have time to chat in the mornings. I have cleared the air on a lot of things and he seems to enjoy our exchanges on topics like religion and politics. You see most of my colleague are Republican and those topics are best not discussed. I expected him to be conservative too, but you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, he is a liberal Mormon. I didn’t know they existed.


The Book Of Mormon On Broadway

Back to the work front, I got another raise!  It was supposed to be a promotion but there is some freeze on creating new job titles so I got an “increase in responsibility raise.”  Whatever, I’ll take it.

People let me tell you about my best friend……(Part 2)

Posted in family, random with tags on February 5, 2015 by jefferyrn


Green Valley Lake – we used to go here to his family cabin.

Some time ago I wrote a blog about my best friend from childhood. Through the magic of Facebook we have reconnected. A lot of things have happened to each of us and yet we seem to relate the same as always. We share new experiences and remind each other of past events. We have caught up on each others lives chatting through messenger. (And through snooping through what is on Facebook.)

The interesting thing is he seems to be posting or liking things that relate to why we stopped speak some 30 years ago. Without saying it, he is saying he understands me now. He gets what being gay means. He is not afraid of it.  I think I probably am the one who decided he wouldn’t understand and I couldn’t open up to him. His parents were very “straight” and right wing. His dad was very prejudice against blacks and Mexicans. Being gay or having a gay son would be totally unacceptable to him.  In comments on posts we have shared funny memories of his dad. He has shared how he considered my father his mentor. He and my father had a continued relationship even after ours ended. They were both heavily involved in the Boy Scout.  My friend still is involve in scouting. My father has had to stop because of his health.

As small pieces of our past collide with the present, I feel a great loss for what could have been all these years, had we only opened up to each other and expressed our true feelings. It is a brotherly love that I miss. Something that is hard to find in a friend.

There maybe some secrets yet to share. He is a single father now with three almost grown children. He has inherited the family business. But to my sister he is still the “M&M Kid”. Only time will tell if we renew our friendship to the level it once was but the thought of it puts a smile on my face that hasn’t been there for a long time.

I don’t know if I am just missing my youth or missing my friend.  I think both.


P.S.  I have been writing this blog for 5 years.  Amazing!



Posted in family, human rights on October 9, 2014 by jefferyrn


So here is the latest from the Reno Gazette Journal:

Exactly when that may be remained in a murky morass of judicial orders issued Wednesday in wake of the 9th Circuit’s decision on Tuesday striking down gay marriage bans in Idaho and Nevada.

First, the U.S. Supreme Court issued an order staying the lower court’s opinion and putting same sex marriage on hold in the two states. Then, the U.S. Supreme Court issued another opinion lifting the stay in Nevada. That appeared to put same sex marriage back on track in the Silver State.

But the Coalition to Protect Marriage filed an application for a stay in Nevada, prompting the 9th Circuit to order Gov. Brian Sandoval and the couples who filed the original lawsuit to respond to that request by 5 p.m. Thursday.

Meanwhile, the district attorneys in Nevada awaited an injunction against the gay marriage ban from the federal district court, which would free the county clerks to begin issuing marriage licenses to same sex couples.

“At the end of the day, the ultimate effect remains the same,” Deputy District Attorney David Watts-Vial said. “The clerk can’t start issuing any same sex marriage licenses until an injunction comes out of the district court.”

When that might arrive is unclear because of the Coalition to Protect Marriage’s request for a stay.

“We’ve got orders coming in from three different courts,” Watts-Vial said. “Things are coming in so fast. We’re trying to keep track of everything here.”

In another wrinkle, the original judge, Reno Judge Robert C. Jones recused himself from the case, refusing to issue the injunction mandated by the 9th Circuit. Judge James Mahan will take up the case.

Amid the frenetic legal action, Anita Herrera-Perez and her partner Regena Perez arrived at the Washoe County Clerk’s Office and requested a license. They were the first same sex couple to arrive in person to request a license in Washoe County.

Parent delivered the bad news that she couldn’t issue the license.

The couple took the news in stride.

“”We are willing to wait,” Herrera-Perez said. “We’ve been together 23 years and are hoping to have our marriage recognized here.”

The couple was married in California in 2008 during a brief window when marriages were legal there. That marriage isn’t recognized in Nevada.

“It’s about equality,” Perez said. “We felt equal for seven days and then it was snatched away.”

Herrera-Perez said the couple joked about traveling from state to state for multiple ceremonies where same sex marriage is legal.

“It would be a road trip,” she said.

This really just a big mess…..I have many questions:

  • How can the Coalition to Protect Marriage file an application for a stay in Nevada?  They are not even in the original law suit.
  • Why is Herrera-Perez wanting to get married in Nevada if she already got married in California? You shouldn’t need a license in every state.  This is just non-sense.   We were married in Hawaii.  I don’t plan on doing it gain in Nevada. Nevada should recognize our license from another state just like any straight couples license. This is bull… and ignorance. Saying they are going on a road trip was a joke of course, but they don’t need even one more license.
  • I know the wheels of justice are full of red tape.  I just want this one to be over once and for all.  The only red tape I want to see is maybe one to measure my shrinking waist line.


Benefits of Marriage

Posted in family, human rights, love, random on October 8, 2014 by jefferyrn

Besides love and companionship, there are many benefits to marriage, especially in the eyes of the law. In fact, there are 1,138 federal benefits, rights and responsibilities associated with marriage.  Here are just a few:

  • visitation rights and can make medical decisions, unless otherwise specified in a living will
  • benefits for federal employees — many of which are also offered by private employers — such as sick leave, bereavement leave, days off for the birth of a child, pension and retirement benefits, family health insurance plans
  • some property and inheritance rights, even in the absence of a will
  • the ability to create life insurance trusts
  • tax benefits, such as being able to give tax free gifts to a spouse and to file joint tax returns
  • the ability to receive Medicare, Social Security, disability and veteran’s benefits for a spouse
  • discount or family rates for insurance
  • immigration and residency benefits, making it easier to bring a spouse to the U.S. from abroad
  • visiting rights in jail

It’s funny I told my mother about all of this and she really didn’t see the point.  She assumed that we had these rights already. Then I had a curious thought. “Did you have to ever show somebody your marriage license?”, I asked her.  She said no. “If you said you were married people took you at your word.” I bet they won’t take my word for it. What do you think?

I also explained to my mother that while my sister seems to be okay with our situation, I don’t know what she might try to do if I died, in terms of our estate, etc. And vice a verse with Ricky’s son. We think we know them but I have seen things change for others in the same situation. Greed trumps common decency.

You see this is not about marriage. This is about being treated fairly and with dignity, to be recognized for who we are and not be ashamed anymore.

I read an article about “coming out” and how there are different degrees.  We come out to our family and friends.  We come out at work.  And we come out publicly to the world.  It is that last one that most of us struggle with out of fear.  I want that fear to go away and be replaced with pride.

And maybe just a little respect!

Happy ever after

Posted in family, human rights, love, random on May 13, 2014 by jefferyrn


It’s a day I thought I would never have, a wedding day.  I want to try and convey what this means to me (without crying!).   For me married means all the things it is supposed to mean to straight people.  We are a monogamous couple till death do us part.

There is all this talk about the sanctity of marriage and how gay men and lesbian women are destroying it.  That is just plan bull shit.  My partner and I are every bit as dedicated to each other as any straight couple, if not more so.  Sure we can’t “have a baby” unless we adopt, but there are lots of straight couples who adopt as well.   I don’t think marriage is about reproduction.  It is about family however and my parents and our siblings are ecstatic for us.   Ricks mother would have approved as well and I am sure she was smiling down on us.

So what got destroyed here?  Some fussy old notions that marriage is between a man and a woman.  Marriage is between two people who love each other.  Marriage unites different families.   Kings used to use marriage to unite kingdoms.  What has changed? Our marriage has granted us recognition and legal rights.  If the church doesn’t approve, I really don’t care.  There are lots of things churches do that I don’t approve of either.

So what happens next?  We live long and happy lives together.  We shake off some of the stigma that means being gay.  We assimilate into society.  Maybe that is not such a great thing after all.  I like being different.  But I choose to be different.   I didn’t choose to be gay, despite what many straight people still think.

Our relationship is different.  Rick is eleven years older and has a child from another marriage.  He tried to be straight because society expected him to be.   In those eleven years society relaxed a little and started to recognize gay people.  I didn’t have to pretend to be straight.  I didn’t get married to a woman. This is not to say Rick didn’t love his wife.  He still does care about her.  But it was never meant  to be.  It wasn’t fair to her or to him.  He didn’t leave her for another man.  He left her to find himself.

I consider Rick’s ex-wife family.  We have an on going relationship that is held together by our love for his son and each other and the grand children.  Life bonds us.  We are a ka-tet.

“And will I tell you that these three lived happily ever after? I will not, for no one ever does. But there was happiness. And they did live.”  Stephen King – The Dark Tower