Archive for the friends Category

Conference call

Posted in family, friends, Work with tags , on August 6, 2019 by jefferyrn

I am here listening to music waiting for another conference call to start. Snow Patrol is playing on Pandora, Chasing Cars. I want to opt out of this meeting and do what the song says, “Lay here and forget the world.” Of course I am sitting and at work so that is not possible. Queue meeting. Music off.

This is my Tuesday, one meeting after another straight through lunch. Literally through lunch. It is late lunch day to compensate for a noon meeting. I don’t take much about work but today I need to ask a question of the universe. Is depression contagious?

I know that sad people can make you feel sad too. My director has been going through some things with her job, her family, and life in general. She confides in me. She makes me sad. But we talk about her problems and I try to listen. There is a tendency to want to solve her problems, which of course I cannot do unless they are work related. So I listen. At times I share similar stories trying to relate to her and let her know she is not alone. It has gotten so bad that she is going to see a counselor this afternoon. Bad may not be the right word. I think everyone should seek help with no stigma attached. But I get the feeling she feels like she is failing or somehow lost control. I am hoping this professional will lead her through this difficult time in her life.

So it makes me sad because she is the rock that holds this department together and yet her life seems to be falling apart. Without going into detail, her issues are really quite normal. Problems with her children growing up and testing their limits. Having devoted most of her non-working hours to her kids she is finding herself alone with her husband and not knowing how to relate to him and be a couple again. She is blaming him for the problems and at the same time telling me how great he is to her.

Here is the number one issue that came up yesterday. She wants to have weight loss surgery and her husband is against it. “You can do it without surgery, with diet and exercise,” is his response. I can relate to this because my partner tells me the same thing. But weight loss is not the real issue here. She is not happy with herself. She is questioning her life choices.

It is funny because she usually has all the answers. I think she knows the answers here too. She is just reluctant to except the changes in her life.

Sometimes we really don’t have any freedom of choice, because choices have outcomes and responsibility.

For me for example, what if I lost weight and I still wasn’t happy with myself, which would likely be the case. I think happiness is the key. So I try to divorce myself from her problems and find my own happiness and share that with her, rather than dwelling on the sadness. I share baby pictures. We talk about food. (I know that sounds counterproductive, but we both love food.) We talk about vacations. We talk about our dreams. It is a much more positive approach. And we talk about work of course.

Hey my conference call is over and now I am listening to Keith Urban, ‘You’ll Think Of Me.”

Bonus dads

Posted in family, friends, love with tags , on June 17, 2019 by jefferyrn

We were invited to tag along on a father’s day dinner with some friends last night. It turned out to be a wonderful evening that may become a tradition. We went to an Italian restaurant we had been to before to celebrate someone birthday. They have a crooner there that thinks he is Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin with a touch of Tony Bennett. He is actually quite annoying but our hosts enjoyed it and have been coming there for years. When we were there for the birthday party we sat a little too close to the entertainer and he picked on me to help him sing a song. They all thought that was hysterical. This time we were in the back, thank God. I told them if he touched me this time I might have to kill him, to which the daughter replied, “I have a gun in my purse.” Nevada humor, this wouldn’t have played well in California. The waiter went along with the gag and pretended to be afraid of her.

Here is the part that touched my heart. The two daughter got Rick and me Father’s Day cards. They were so sweet and humorous and yet you could tell they had put a lot of thought into them. There were personal notes to us as well. They call us their Bonus dad’s. And the touching part continued with their real parents toasting us and telling us how thankful they were that we were a part of their daughter’s lives. They said we had made a positive influence and changed them for the better. They welcomed us into the family. Nice people, not sure how we found this family but I am glad we did.

They have invited us to other family occasions. We have gone to their house for Thanksgiving three years running. But this was different. This was much more personal. Just the six of us listening to stories I am sure they have told a thousand times and including us in their lives. They knew I had lost my father last month and they had kind words at the time. But this was the birth of something new. We didn’t go there. I had a ring on my finger that was my fathers, but I didn’t tell any stories about it, and they didn’t ask. This was about our new family and the future.

Of course, we have our own families. But they have their own lives in California. I used to make an effort to see my father sometime around Father’s Day or at least call and talk to him. Now that is done and these friends, this bonus family has helped me heal.

One footnote, we have known these girls for over 15 years. They are now in their 30s. It has only been the last 4 years that our friendship has blossomed. We love the whole family.

The girls, Ricky, me and the real dad

It’s the weekend

Posted in friends, random with tags on February 1, 2019 by jefferyrn

It’s Friday. That used to be an exciting day for me. It meant the weekend was about to start and hopefully a lot of fun things unrelated to work. Now that I am older and more settled it doesn’t really have the same appeal. Yes, it means I get to leave this place and spend some time with Rick, but the exciting part is gone. That is not say that it is not enjoyable. I still dread Monday’s.

This weekend I have to do some testing. We are upgrading our system starting at 5 pm tonight. The vendor expects to be finished sometime Saturday afternoon. I will need to verify that everything is in working order before Monday morning. This means logging into all the key workstations and making sure the users will be able to do what is necessary to treat a patient. I don’t go at this alone. There will be a physicist and a (treatment) therapist verifying the systems as well. It should only take a few hours if all goes well. But somehow that really puts a damper on the weekend. The upside is that I can take a comp day off to make up for it.

Studio one. Those stairs were treacherous.

I remember going out drinking on Friday nights with my friends, and dancing. I don’t think I have been dancing since the 90s. Of course, I am so fat now that I don’t feel comfortable on the floor, but that used to be my workout routine. If someone got up enough courage to ask me to dance I would say yes. If they got to physical or other unwanted attentions they wouldn’t get a second yes. But I loved dancing. (Maybe that’s why I like DWTS and all those other competition shows on TV.)

The thing I need to remember is that my courage back then came for a good stiff drink. I don’t drink so much anymore. It is not good for my health and wellbeing. So getting that courage to hit the floor is a little harder. Also, the dance floors are disappearing. It used to be that every bar had one. Remember Stuart Anderson’s and the tin dance floor, Studio One in West Hollywood, or Circus, or the Rage. They are all gone now. We even had a local place called McConaughey’s which had a great dance floor (and hookers and drugs but that’s another story).

Two Chick Cafe in Reno. Great breakfast. No stairs.

So this weekend I work for a few hours on Saturday. We go out to breakfast as usual. We will dream about our vacation to Hawaii in May. We look at picture of the baby and wish we could be there to hold him. We watch Netflix and laugh at Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda. Rick will pop some popcorn. It’s not that bad after all.

Merry and bright

Posted in family, food, friends with tags on December 10, 2018 by jefferyrn

The Buena Vista, San Francisco

My posts of late have been a bit dark. Moving past that lets look at the bright side……hmm. Okay, so I am not good at this…let’s see. We got all of our Christmas shopping done over the weekend. We went to Roseville Galleria over the hill in California. It was a little warmer there then here in Reno and the mall is much bigger. While we were shopping our son posted on FB what a great time he was having at the Buena Vista in San Francisco drinking Irish coffee’s. He doesn’t even like coffee, rat bastard. Sorry it’s hard to control the darkness sometimes.

Anyway, our stockings are hung by the chimney with care…blah blah blah…bah humbug. I got a new skirt for the tree. I was going to make one but I found one I liked for $19. I could hardly make one for that price. Maybe next year I will tackle my own creation. I found the missing candles up in the top of our closet so we didn’t have to buy them again except of course the AAA batteries are all dead. It should be noted I looked for these damn things for 2 weeks. We almost did buy them and then something clicked in my tiny brain and I realized where they were all along, in an unmarked box that looked like mailing supplies.

We went to a Christmas Party on Friday, held by the doctors at the center. They paid for the whole thing. It was nice. I tried to mingle and get to know people but it was crowded and people tended to separate into their own little cliques. But I made the effort and Ricky went with me.
My IT group is going to go out to lunch for Christmas next week. Location is still TBD. I hope they decided soon or we may be out of luck. The cancer center is doing a White Elephant gift exchange and potluck which usually is quite amusing even though I don’t participate in the exchange. Then there is a huge department lunch in the auditorium which is never fun but attendance is expected.

Once all of that crap er ah festivities are out of the way, I am off till the New Year. We go visit the kids for one night in Modesto and then have Christmas with a group of friend for dinner at the Nugget. I hope to make more friend at this party. My goal is to invite at least one couple out to breakfast some time.

You are right. This is still a little bit of a dark piece. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Death and taxes

Posted in death, friends with tags on November 18, 2015 by jefferyrn

It was a strange morning that started with a message from a friend’s daughter. She needed help filing her mother’s taxes. After sending a few texts back and forth about what she needed to do, it hit me. MY FRIEND IS DEAD.

image

I told her daughter I still couldn’t believe her mom was gone. She said with holidays coming up she can hear her mother..not literally but in her mind puttering around and preparing for the festivities. 

I cried thinking of her as I drove along the Truckee river on my way to work.  Her family had spread some of her ashes on the water over the summer. Now with the recent rain and snow, they were finally moving on.

Peace my friend. You are sorely missed today and always.

Friends and time

Posted in family, friends, random with tags on June 8, 2015 by jefferyrn

I know I don’t blog enough. I think of wonderful things to say and then I get to work and am bombarded with things that keep me busy all day. When I get home. I am done. Sometimes I get on the computer to look at new cars or find a restaurant but that is it. Half the time I do that on my phone. I have tried blogging from my phone but it is really a desk job with a full keyboard required.

fashion-blogging

Maybe some Cha-Cha shoes would get me going again!

Good things are happening. We made new friends. After almost 8 years living here in Reno we are finally reaching out to people in the community and making friends. The stumbling block as always been, we don’t go to gay bars. The ones here in town are either for the very young (I want friends not children) or the drunks. The normal channels for friend making are through work or things you do outside of work.

To that end we made a couple of moves on people we see all the time, waitresses. The first two are sisters that have waited on us at our favorite barbecue for almost 12 years, before we even moved here. I think I mentioned them once before. We have gone out with them 3 times now.  It is a wonder what they see in two old farts, but they like us and Rick says they are the daughters he never had. The great thing about them is they are so open and love to talk so there is no lull in the conversation.

friends

Jennifer Aniston was a waitress on Friends

Expanding on this idea, we were at another favorite breakfast place and the waitress told us it was her last week there, she was moving on. Rick approached her after we ate and asked her if she would like to exchange numbers and go out sometime. She was excited and took our contact info. Low and behold she called us (while we were out of town!). We called her back and have gone out 2 times so far. The last time she brought another customer friend with her, and get this, we all went to the barbecue place. So now we have two new friends. The guy she brought along is a nice old gentleman who is retired. His partner is a long haul trucker so he is alone a lot. Our waitress friend has a dog and two cats. Now we have a cat sitter.  She said she would gladly come over and check on Billy the next time we leave town.

I guess my point here is once you get your foot in the door, one friend leads to another.  I am super excited that we might actually have local friends. It makes me feel like I belong here.

As to the other venue of work friends, most of them are younger then me and live in Sparks. I know it is only a few mile away but people around these parts don’t get out much. Leaving their neighbors is a chore. I have found one new work friend who lives close to our neighborhood. We haven’t done anything outside work yet, but we are making plans to do so. We are the early crew, he and I, so we have time to chat in the mornings. I have cleared the air on a lot of things and he seems to enjoy our exchanges on topics like religion and politics. You see most of my colleague are Republican and those topics are best not discussed. I expected him to be conservative too, but you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, he is a liberal Mormon. I didn’t know they existed.

Discount-The-Book-of-Mormon-tickets

The Book Of Mormon On Broadway

Back to the work front, I got another raise!  It was supposed to be a promotion but there is some freeze on creating new job titles so I got an “increase in responsibility raise.”  Whatever, I’ll take it.