My sister in-law once said she doesn’t have any friends because they are too much work. In many ways that can be true. You have to find balance. Is the joy you received worth the effort you put out?* I think we ask ourselves this question about everything in life.
You’ve heard my complaints about my husband’s new bestie. But I have to step back and look at the happiness he has found. Who am I to deny him that quest.? Ricky has suffered from depression in the past. It’s something I don’t relate to well because I can’t fix it. I am a fixer by nature.
Some things just take care of themselves with enough time. I know this from my own past. But I have never been depressed. Unhappy yes. But depression is more than that, it’s a dark cloud that hopefully passes over.
Ricky relates to this young man because he has had those dark clouds too.
So being the good husband I have made peace with this situation. I may not like it to have him around all the time but in a few weeks he will go back to work teaching and his availability will be reduced to Friday and Saturday. What’s that song, “If it makes you happy” by Sheryl Crow.
If it makes you happy It can’t be that bad If it makes you happy Then why the hell are you so sad
*To put it more bluntly “Is the screwing you’re getting worth the screwing you’re getting.”
There recently was a video in my Threads feed of a man being frisked by police and then shot to death. It was very disturbing to me.
A young white man had his hands on the side of the car while an officer reached around and into his pants. He appeared to be molesting him. The guy struggles to get away and is thrown to the ground where he manages to get up and run. The officer shoots him.
The comments on the video say he was treated like a black man. I am sorry, but nobody should be treated this way. Is this what black people tend to expect? Things need to change for sure.
The story is sort of a taradiddle. The lies told by the officer to justify his actions. Potentially, the lies of the victim for a supposed crime he was pulled over for in the first place. And then the surreal results of those words and actions.
It starts out looking like pretentious nonsense and ends with a horrible truth.
It reminded me of a time I was pulled over New Years day 1986. I had been to a New Year’s Eve party at a local club called Robbie’s in Pomona. The cops were patrolling to catch drunk drivers on what is probably a good night for it. Ah, but I had not been drinking. I took a break from alcohol after being in a car crash that Halloween. I was completely sober.
The officer realized this after talking to me, but to save face he made me get out of the car and frisked me in the same manner as that poor guy in the video. He didn’t put his hands down my pants but I was wearing pleated pants with no underwear. He gripped my crotch and I immediately froze. Eventually it was over and he had to let me go. I didn’t report him. The police had a reputation of harassing gays. I tried to stay calm, got back in my car and drove home.
My thoughts are this could have gone down much differently had I struggled or questioned his behavior in any way. This location where I was pulled off was at the end of Indian Hill Boulevard. Several years later the LA riots would come down the street.
Most people don’t think of Pomona and the LA riots. But there were splitter riots throughout the county. Pomona is the Eastern edge of LA County.
I bring this up because a friend of mine’s niece’s boyfriend was killed during the riots. She was black and only sixteen years old. She was at her aunt’s house sobbing. It was a sad time.
So again it was a taradiddle. The police had one story. The family had another. The truth was lost.
Perhaps these aren’t the truest sense of the word but my own interpretation. Here is the definition.
We are having a small dinner party this Saturday. Party of five, squirrel boy, Jonathan, Gonzalo, me and Ricky. Squirrel boy is code for Rick’s new bestie on the HOA board. He suffered from ADHD, hence the nickname. He is a squirrel.
Charcuterie boardSalad
It should be a nice evening. Rick is making dinner. We are having salmon, potatoes of some sort, asparagus, gluten free cornbread and salad.
SalmonRoasted potatoes Cornbread muffins Asparagus with hollandaise Mochi
I am usually the bartender and appetizer coordinator. Mostly just a charcuterie board and a few other snacks. Ricky plays chef. Gonzalo is bringing dessert, Mochi.
I am dealing with my anxiety about the squirrel. Hopefully things will go well. The other couple will be a good buffer.
With less than four weeks til our summer trip I have stepped up my diet and exercise routine. Cutting sweets and carbohydrates as well as increasing my time in the pool will help. I also added an afternoon workout with dumbbells.
Every morning I swim for 40 minutes which is roughly 40 laps in our clubhouse pool. I was only doing 20 minutes. I haven’t seen progress on the scales but I feel better.
My afternoon routine is one I borrowed from YouTube. Seven different exercises, two sets each for about 20 minutes is all it takes.
My weights are much lighter than the ones that were used in the video. I also modified the exercises to meet my capabilities.
I use 8 pound dumbbells.
Weighted squats – 15 reps
Bicep curls – 15 reps
Overhead standing lifts – 15 reps
Double standing rowing – 15 reps
Bench press lying on the floor – 15 reps
Head crushers also on the floor – 15 reps
Bicycle crunches again on the floor – 15 reps
Rinse and repeat….
The goal is to look better before vacation. I will let you know what success I have with all of this, the diet is difficult because it’s ice cream season.
Posted in friends with tags friendship on July 22, 2026 by jefferyrn
We had a week without a certain neighbor. He was in LA at a teacher conference till Sunday. Then he had jury duty this week so the break was extended. As I am writing this he is supposed to be coming over for a short visit after he runs an errand.
Yesterday was the HOA meeting. Ricky saw him then but they didn’t get a chance to visit. Today Rick volunteered to be on the landscape committee. This guy is on the committee too, plus another neighbor named Mindy.
Where am I going with this you may be asking. This is the guy I think Ricky spends entirely too much time with already. He comes over often. We sit and talk and sometimes play games. I like the game playing part. But I need space from this guy. If possible I will escape to the other room and watch TV.
I know I shouldn’t feel this way but I feel like some of what made our relationship work is being challenged by this new person. He asked him to fix things. He takes his advice on things like his haircut. Little things that take a load off my plate but I still feel threatened.
We do things together, like go out to dinner or a bar or a comedy show. That’s all fine. But he is here constantly. It’s too much.
It’s nice to have friends but most friends don’t invade my space the way he does if you know what I am saying.
I am dealing with it. We have had arguments about him and so far I am losing those arguments. My neighbor Sam has given me an escape hatch. If it’s too much I just say I am going over to help her with her computer or her phone. So far he hasn’t offered to tag along.
Sam and I sit at the kitchen counter and drink champagne while playing with the cat. I unload on her and she understands me. She sees what is happening. Probably everyone does but Ricky.
I don’t remember if I shared these pictures before but Sam is on the left. Our friend Jon made this image from the actual photo below. That’s his husband Gonzalo as Jimmy Kimmel.
Apparently I am sleeping well. After a huge ordeal of getting re-diagnosed with sleep apnea, doing an at home study, getting a new CPAP machine, and a new provider, all to satisfy insurance requirements.
I had my follow up appointment with the neurologist. I went from 28 episodes per hour down to two per night. Those commercials pushing alternatives to CPAP are wrong. I don’t find the machine noisy or cumbersome to use. Those alternatives involve surgery and an implant. No thank you! Oh and those ridiculous mouth guards and chin straps and mouth tape, how barbarian. CPAP works for me full stop.
I also had my yearly eye exam to check for signs of damage to my eye due to diabetes. Once again I got a clean bill of health. At the end of summer I have another blood test to see how my meds are working. Last time I scored a 6.3 A1C. Anything below 7 is considered managed.
My weight management is another story. I have been swimming. I recently doubled my time and laps. We are going on a vacation the end of August. Maybe I can shed a few pounds before the trip. Of course, we end up in New Orleans so it will be short term as the food there is amazing.
Sorry if this has turned into an old man post about my health. I will try to be more festive next time.
Posted in random with tags summer on July 19, 2026 by jefferyrn
“Summertime, and the livin’ is easy Fish are jumpin’ and the cotton is high Oh, your daddy’s rich and your ma is good lookin’ So hush, little baby, don’t you cry”
The family visitation is over. It was not the fun relaxing trip we were looking for at all. It started out okay. We drive to Sacramento to visit Helen.
She is doing fine. Her vision is not so good anymore so she stays home or in her neighborhood these days. We watched Pillion together, the unrated version. She is in love with the lead, Alexander Skarsgard. This was her second time watching it.
He is quite handsome and you get to see every inch of him literally in this uncut version.
“Pillion is a 2025 British romantic dark comedy-drama film directed by Harry Lighton, starring Harry Melling as a timid man and Alexander Skarsgård as an enigmatic biker who begin a BDSM relationship, exploring themes of self-discovery and love.”
That’s the official polite description of the film. There is no comedy and some of it is sad and depressing. But it is a glimpse into the BDSM world and what they are willing to put up with in their environment. Which actually is a great lead into my family visitation.
First up was my sister. She lives in Anderson about two and a half hours North west of Sacramento. We got there midday in time to take her out to lunch. The new ramp made it possible for her to leave the house but getting into the car was an act of engineering. It involved a paint buck and some great struggle to maneuver her stiff legs into the car.
We took the bucket with us to lunch for use at the other end. We had a nice lunch at the casino, WinRiver, which is right off the highway in her town. She was able to sit on a stool and play the slots for a few hours. I think she had a good time.
Getting her back in the car and home again pooped her out so we cancelled plans to go out to dinner.
Her environment is something less than desirable. It’s a new mobile home on a five acre lot at the end of a dirt road. She basically has no furniture other than her bed and an electric recliner that I had originally bought for our father. An old dresser serves as a TV stand. I bought her a TV two visits back. Before that she only had a tablet.
The house has not been cleaned since the day she moved in almost three years ago. Her son vacuumed the carpet but no dusting. Cobwebs everywhere. I dusted the TV because it was discussing. I also took a swipe at some of the cobwebs and the kitchen counter. She has no proper cleaning tools so I stopped there. The guest room is a giant storage closet. We stayed in a hotel.
I couldn’t live like this but it doesn’t seem to bother her. She never was much of a house keeper. Even as kids she paid me to clean her room. If she is fine with her situation I guess I need to be as well.
She is planning on having cataract surgery. Maybe once she can she her surroundings she will want to make changes. But mostly not. At the very least she will be able to get out of the house once in a while.
After writing this I realized I had written most of this before. It’s been in my mind. Sorry for the repeat performance. I will skip the trip to Rick’s brother’s place.
Something new is coming about our neighbors. Always a fun topic. I have had them on my mind too. I just need to organize my thoughts and not make it too boring. Until next time stay healthy and be happy.
Posted in holiday with tags holidays on July 4, 2026 by jefferyrn
Happy 4th of July. This scarf came from the Smithsonian Institution Centennial exhibit hall gift shop. I visited there in 1977 with the Boys Scouts and purchased this as a gift for my grandmother, Georgia Mae Werner.
The flag flew over the Capitol Building that same year. I was presented with it after achieving the rank of Eagle Scout. It has been in a box for the past 49 years.
Our family visited Washington DC and Philadelphia in 1976. For some reason my sister didn’t go. I think she went to Maui instead.
It’s already June 30th. Time flies. I hope everyone had a prideful month. I know I enjoyed reading posts about our history and our legacy. We remember those who were lost to the gay pandemic, AIDS. Lots of hopeful stories and sad ones too.
I am thankful that somehow I survived this long. Certainly, in the 80s our future looked bleeck. But as with all tragic events we grow stronger. If we can survive the setbacks of this admination we will be better for it.
Of course, today’s Supreme Court decision against trans athletes is one of those setbacks. But we maintained birth right citizenship. And rumor has it justice Thomas is retiring.
In July we celebrate this nation’s 250th birthday. The great experiment has lasted longer than expected.
Life Beyond the Casinos 